AWM Violence & Abuse Recovery Program Session 3 Part 3B Dec 10, 2013

[Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

AWM Violence & Abuse Recovery Program Agenda Session 3 Part 3B    – Dec 10, 2013

1. Start session with prayer – ask Holy Spirit to give you understanding and give you inner healing

    

2. Study each part of session highlighted – this program as well as the other ones focus on healing of the spirit, soul, & body

    

3. Rap Up – write down any questions you may have and send them to me before the next part is sent to you on Tuesday

    

4. Homework: complete any homework for this session and return to me before for next Tuesday 

    

5. Close in Prayer – just pray what you feel in your heart

    

6. NEXT PART WILL BE POSTED TUESDAY JANUARY 14, 2014

7. Next teaching will be after Christmas/New Year’s break which is from Dec 12, 2013 to Jan 13, 2014! Happy Holidays and God bless you and your families!!

Violence & Abuse Recovery Program

Lesson: Session Three – Part 3B – December 10, 2013 – Study This

Open in prayer: Father I thank You for giving these group members Your wisdom, knowledge and understanding as they study this teaching; help them to recover completely in the Name of Jesus, Amen!

Session Three’s Goal: to recognize Abuse and its Cycle

• Understand Why Abusers Abuse – Part 3A – Dec 4th

• Understand Why The Victim Stays – Part 3A – Dec 4th

• Develop Strategies for Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Part 3B – Dec 10th /Part 3C - Jan 14th  / Part 3D - Jan 21st/ Part 3D -1 & 3D-2-Jan 28th

   

  Strategies for breaking the Cycle of Abuse - Dec 10th

   

  *****Homework: What are some ways you think the abuser abuses?*****

   

  Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the “silent treatment”), manipulate, and control. There are many ways to abuse: to love too much is a form of abuse – it is the same as treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification (you have made that person your god).

   

  Other forms of abuse: to be over-protective, not to respect privacy, and to be brutally honest, with a sadistic (cruel; vicious) sense of humor, or consistently tactless. 

   

  To expect too much, to put down or degrade, are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse; the list is long. Most abusers abuse covertly (sneakily; underhandedly); they are “stealth abusers.”  You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse.

   

  Important Categories of Abuse: Overt & Covert or Controlling Abuse.

  Overt Abuse – The open and explicit abuse of another person. Threatening, coercing, beating, lying, berating (speak angrily to; tell off; criticize), demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring (“silent treatment”), devaluing, unceremoniously discarding (to rudely or abruptly throw you away or dismiss you), verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse.

Covert or Controlling Abuse – Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is often a primitive and immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in his childhood) was rendered helpless. It is about re-exerting (exert means to – “put (oneself) into strenuous, vigorous action or effort” (www.dictionary.com), one’s identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment – human and physical.  So the abuser’s main goal in the “relationship” is to obtain what he never had as a child: power and control to be himself; he was always told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, his option did not matter, scolded, verbal abused, physical abused, emotional abused, etc. His life as a child was a living nightmare and he will do anything he can to take control of his life (childhood). He is living in the past and thinks abusing you will fix his childhood situation.

 

The sad thing about it is, the abuser is so blinded by the enemy that they cannot see, and they are the problem. But they blame the victim for their problems but they are really blaming their parents; they are delusional.

 

The bulk of abusive behaviors can be traced to this panicky to the remote potential for loss of control. Many abusers are hypochondriacs (and difficult patients) because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in an effort to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. They stalk people and harass them as a means of “being in touch” – another form of control.

 

To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are extensions, internal, assimilated (assimilate means: to integrate somebody into a larger group, so that differences are minimized or eliminated” – Encarta Dictionary.com), objects — not external ones. So, the abuser groups everyone together (that’s why he only cares about himself) into one group and sees others as not being important; their differences are minimized or eliminated. If it means eliminating (killing you) in the process, to get you to conform to him, so be it; they will find another “mark.” Thus, losing control over a significant other — is equivalent to losing control of a limb, or of one’s brain. It is terrifying. -.

        

Independent or disobedient people evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the center of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations (you represent him).

        

To the abuser, using control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements in the abuser’s mind — being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind). Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts... Nightmarish! In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad (countless) of fiendishly (diabolical; cunning and malicious) inventive stratagems (clever schemes) and mechanisms (the abuser is TOTALLY controlled by the devil).

 

 

Note: Next teaching will be after Christmas/New Year’s break which is from Dec 12, 2013 to Jan 13, 2014! Happy Holidays and God bless you and your families!!

 

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God bless as you take this journey of recovery!

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks

 

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