“Empowering the abused woman to recover with God's truth"
AWM Violence & Abuse Recovery Program Agenda Session 3 Part 3C – Jan 14, 2014
Start session with prayer – ask Holy Spirit to give you understanding and give you inner healing
Study each part of session highlighted – this program as well as the other ones focus on healing of the spirit, soul, & body
Rap Up – write down any questions you may have and send them to me before the next part is sent to you on Tuesday Jan 21, 2014
Homework: complete any homework for this session and return to me before for next Tuesday January 21, 2014
Close in Prayer – just pray what you feel in your heart
NEXT PART WILL BE POSTED TUESDAY JANUARY 21st
If you need to refresh yourselves on the previous sections or have not seen the previous sections, click links below to access them; this Program began on Oct 1, 2013. If you have any questions,
Violence & Abuse Recovery Program
Lesson: Session Three – Part 3C – January 14, 2014 – Study This
Open in prayer: Father I thank You for giving these group members Your wisdom, knowledge and understanding as they study this teaching; help them to recover completely in the Name of Jesus, Amen!
Session Three’s Goal: to recognize Abuse and its Cycle
Understand Why Abusers Abuse – Part 3A – Dec 4th
Understand Why The Victim Stays – Part 3A – Dec 4th
Develop Strategies for Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Part 3B – Dec 11th /Part 3C-Jan 14th/ Part 3D - Jan 21st/ Part 3D -1 & 3D-2-Jan 28th
Strategies for breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Important Categories of Abuse:
Covert or Controlling Abuse – Part 3C
Here is a partial list of the abuser’s fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms:
Unpredictability and Uncertainty – The abuser acts unpredictably, on a whim, inconsistently, and irrationally; because he is giving his audience what they want. The victim or others, once they know the abuser, wait for his next twist and turn, his next blizzard whim, outburst, denial, or smile; they are waiting on him to make his next “move.” No wonder being in an abusive relationship is so much “drama;” the abuser is always putting on a horror show. The abuser makes sure that he is the only reliable element in the lives of his nearest and dearest – by shattering the rest of their world through his seemingly insane behavior. He perpetuates his stable presence in their lives – by destabilizing (destabilize means: to make something unstable in order to impair its functioning or bring about its collapse” - Encarta Dictionary.com), their own. So the abuser thinks if he make you unstable, you will see he is stable; he is trying to change your mindset and get you to think like he does (twisted). He actually thinks, he is normal (that’s why when and if they go to counseling, they tell the counsel, “there is nothing wrong with me; she [victim] is the problem”) and you are abnormal.
TIP – Refuse to accept such behavior. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, likings, preferences, and priorities.
Disproportional Reactions - One of the favorite tools of manipulation in the abusers arsenal is the disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage to the slightest slight. Or, he would punish severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor- Or, he would throw a temper tantrum over arty discord or disagreement, however gently and considerately expressed. Or, he would act inordinately attentive charming and tempting (even over-sexed, if need be).
This ever-shifting code of conduct and the unusually harsh and arbitrarily applied penalties are premeditated. The victims are kept in the dark. Neediness and dependence on the source of “justice” meted and judgment passed — on the abuser — are thus guaranteed.
TIP - Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and unpredictable behavior. lf you are up to the inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.
Dehumanization and Objectification (Abuse) – People have a need to believe in the empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others- By dehumanizing and objectifying people — the abuser attacks the very foundations of human interaction. This is the “alien” aspect of abusers — they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally absent and immature. Abuse is so horrid, so repulsive so phantasmagoric (phan.tas.ma.go.ric – bizarre images; ever-changing scene) — that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defenses absolutely down, that they are the most susceptible and vulnerable to the abuser’s control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuses are all forms of dehumanization and objectification abuse.
TIP – Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable (ravenous; greedy). Do not succumb to blackmail. If things get rough - disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally; sue). Do not! Keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abusers weapon (that’s why he wants to isolate you). Never give him a second chance. React with your full arsenal to the first transgression.
God bless as you take this journey of recovery!
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks
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