Recovery For Abused Women

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Domestic Violence Series for June 26, 2012 "Abusers often try to manipulate the 'system' by..." (Part 2B)

Domestic Violence Series (Part 2)

Explanation of Domestic Violence and Abuse - Characteristics Continued:

Abusers often try to manipulate the "system" by: - (Part 2B)

  • Threatening to call Child Protective Services or the Department of Human Resources and making actual reports that his partner neglects or abuses the children.
  • Changing lawyers and delaying court hearings to increase his partner's financial hardship.
  • Telling everyone (friends, family, police, etc.) that she is "crazy" and making things up.
  • Using the threat of prosecution to get her to return to him.
  • Telling police she hit him, too.
    • Giving false information about the criminal justice system to confuse his partner or prevent her from acting on her own behalf.
    • Using children as leverage to get and control his victim.

Abusers may try to manipulate their partners, especially after a violent episode.

He may try to "win" her back in some of these ways:

  • Invoking sympathy from her, her family and friends.
  • Talking about his "difficult childhood".
  • Becoming overly charming, reminding her of the good times they've had.
  • Bringing romantic gifts, flowers, dinner.
  • Crying, begging for forgiveness.
  • Promising it will "never happen again."
  • Promising to get counseling, to change.

Abuse gets worse and more frequent over time.

A.    Intervention

Perpetrator Intervention Programs For Abusers

Abusers can enter voluntarily or be court ordered to Perpetrator Intervention Programs. It is important to note that there are no guarantees that he will change his violent behavior. He is the only one that can make the decision--and commitment--to change.

In Alabama, there are certification guidelines for perpetrator intervention programs. Certified programs have completed a standards review process to ensure they meet guidelines. You can contact the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence for information on these standards, (334) 832-4842.

An intervention program should include these factors and teach:

  • Victim's safety is the priority.
    • Meets minimum standards for weekly sessions (16 weeks).
    • Holds him accountable.
    • Curriculum addresses the root of his problem.
    • Makes no demand on the victim to participate.
    • Is open to input from the victim.
    • Education about domestic violence.
    • Changing attitudes and beliefs about using violence in a relationship.
    • Achieving equality in relationships.
    • Community participation.

In the program, an abuser should become aware of his pattern of violence and learn techniques for maintaining nonviolent behavior, such as "time outs" "buddy" phone calls, support groups, relaxation techniques, and exercise.

Click here for locations and details about Alabama's Perpetrator In...

 

Click Here for PDF Version

 

Next section posted will be “Domestic Violence Series (Part 2) – “Explanation of Domestic Violence and Abuse” – “Why Do Abusers Batter – Intervention – How do you know if he is really changing”(Part 2C) on Thursday, June 28th.

 

Shalom,

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks

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