"Fear & Domestic Violence: Overcome Through God's Perfect Love"

[Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

Fear and domestic violence goes hand in hand; it is a great example of how spirits work together to carry out the plan of satan! What is the main tactic that the abuser uses in domestic relationships to make a woman stay with a man or vice versa? Fear! The man or woman will intimidate the victim of domestic violence until he or she do whatever he or she says because of fear! But once you know and understand God's perfect love for YOU, you will never allow anyone or anything to bind you again!! God is the ONLY Answer to the spirit of fear and abuse of any kind!!

Definitions of “Fear” and “Intimidate”

Before I go any further in this teaching, I would like to explain the terms, “fear” and “intimidate.” You can see the meaning of these words, along with the synonyms of the words, in domestic violence relationships. Dictionary.com defines "fear" as "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid." Synonym for “ fear” is “ dread or alarm.” Dread is defined as "a great fear." Dictionary.com defines “intimidate” as “to make timid; fill with fear” and “to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear.” The synonyms for “intimidate” are “frighten, subdue, daunt, terrify.”

Do you see how these spirits work together to cause havoc in your life? Also, do you see how the words which defines fear, intimidate, and the synonyms of those words, work together in a domestic violence relationship? Fear is NOT of God!! 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us this: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (biblegateway.com – NKJV). This is how the Amplified Bible (AMP) says it:

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well- balanced mind and discipline and self-control” (biblegateway.com).

Violence and Abuse Goes Into the Victim’s Soul

Where do you think all the trauma a person sustain in an abusive relationship goes? That trauma goes into the person’s soul; it does what it was designed to do – destroy the person! If a person’s soul is destroyed, what do you think will become of the person? Yes, he/she will cease to exist! The devil is not playing games; he is out to steal, kill, and destroy God’s people!! I say God’s people because the devil already has the ones who are not serving God so he is not worrying about them but he will do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to stop God’s TRUE warriors!!

Abuse traumatizes a person’s soul, therefore, it is going to take God going into that person’s soul and delivering him/her! The hollering and screaming associated with domestic violence/abuse is designed to frighten (product and manufacture fear in the victim) the victim so he/she will be too afraid to stand up for him/herself!

When a fight erupts in an abusive home, what do you find most victims doing? The victims are hiding, when they can, trying to escape from the verbal and physical attacks! Hiding is a sign of fear; the person is too afraid of the abuser to stand up to him/her! What did Adam and Eve do after they had sinned in the Garden? They ran and hid from God because they were afraid; the victim of domestic violence/abuse run and hide from his/her abuser because he/she is afraid!

Fear Causes Torment But God’s Love Stops It!

Fear causes torment according to 1 John 4:18; fear  often uses torment to affect people minds and bodies, causing mental and physical disease. This is what 1 John 4:18 says:

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love” (biblegateway.com – NKJV).

If we are in fear we are not made perfect in love. In other words, our fear prevents us from receiving God’s love. In fear we are calling God a liar and telling Him that we do not trust Him. This kind of fear is unbelief! 1 John 4:18 shows us that God’s love expels ALL fear; it lets us know that when someone is afraid, he/she has a fear of being punished and the person has not experienced God’s love fully! The person who is being abused has a fear of punishment from the abuser because he/she has not fully experienced the love of God! The person who is being abused is so focused on getting his/her abuser to love him/her that he/she is blind to the fact that God loves him/her; the devil want to make sure he/she does not wake up out of their sleep – he wants to keep the person bound!

Fully Knowing God’s Love

To fully know the love God has for us, we MUST dwell and continue in God because God is love, and he who dwells and continues in love, dwells and continues in God, and God dwells and continues in him (1 John 4:16). 1 John 4:17 lets us know that only with the type of union and communion mentioned in 1 John 4:16 with God will our love be brought to completion and be made perfect in us!! There is no reason to fear ANYONE, especially an abuser who is man (woman included)!! God’s love makes us confidence in the day of judgement because Jesus has already PAID THE PRICE for us with His precious Blood and He is our Advocate, Savior, and much, much, much more!!

We are saved by grace, through faith in Christ; we had NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR SALVATION!! ALL THE CREDIT GOES TO JESUS!! This is what Ephesians 2:8-9 says: 8 For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law’s demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself] (biblegateway.com – Amplified Bible - AMP).

There is no reason to be afraid of the day of judgement; 1 John 4:17 tells us why:

“Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world” (biblegateway.com – NKJV).

The devil Is A Master Copier

The devil is always trying to copy God or twist God’s Word around! Do you see how the devil is using abusers everywhere to instill fear of judgement (judgement of them) into their victims? The enemy wants the victims to be afraid of the abuser’s punishment he/she will enforce on the victims if they do not obey him/her! That is NOT what God’s Word says! We saw in 1 John 4:17 that Jesus’ love has been perfected among us so we can have boldness in the day of judgement and as Jesus is in this world, so are we!! We are NOT to be afraid of no man or woman; God is our ONLY Judge and we should obey Him!! Jesus died so we could be set free from ALL bondage and we should not allow anything or anyone to bind us!! The ONLY thing the victim of domestic violence/abuse should be focused on is ALLOWING God to perfect His love in him/her so he/she will not fear God’s Judgement!!

The devil wants us to lose our focus on what God is calling us to do but he is a LIAR!! We will FIX our eyes on the ball; on what God has called us to do!! PLEASE DO NOT LOSE YUR GOD GIVEN FOCUS! These are critical times and Jesus is soon to come! I am going to write out the Amplified Bible version of 1 John 4:18 so you can meditate on it:

“There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection] (biblegateway.com).

If we are fearful, God’s love needs to be perfected in us! There is no slack in God; the slack is in us if there is any! We can get too busy with daily lives, and miss out on TRUE living; the living ONLY having a personal relationship with Jesus, knowing God, and allowing the Holy Spirit to direct our steps can give us!! Jesus came that we might have abundant life but the devil wants to steal from us, kill us, and destroy us – he is a thief and that is what a thief does (John 10:10)!! Jesus is a Giver but the devil is a taker!! It is time for us to stop allowing the devil to take from us!! It is time to get into union and communion with God so that we can experience His perfect love for us!! God the Father is love. In Matthew 22:37 Jesus said, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" (biblegateway.com – NKJV). We are to love God the Father, not be afraid of Him. God is the only one that loves each of us perfectly; man cannot love us perfectly – man is fallible but God is infallible!!

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May God continually bless you and your family,

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks

 

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