Stop Setting Expectations For Others!

[Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

http://www.stresscure.com/health/expcting.html

 

In this teaching, we are going to learn why setting expectations are harmful to us; it causes us to become disappointed in others and our self. First, let’s see what the definition of disappointment is. According to Oxford Dictionaries.com, disappointment means: “The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.”

Setting expectations for others cause us to become disappointed when they do not do what we think they should do. We get disappointed because we have set expectations for that person we should not have; we cannot expect people to behave or say what we want. God gives everyone free will and what people do with their free will, is none of our concern.

We have no right to get upset with anyone for what WE thought they would or would not do.  For example, if you thought your friend should call since you was going through a crisis, and he/she did not, do not get upset if the person does not call. In your mind, you set that expectation, they never said they would call, you thought they should call because you was going through. In reality, you caused your own self to be disappointed when you set expectations for them; YOU allowed the accuser of the brethren to plant a seed of discord in your mind against that person for no reason. Yes, thoughts are going to come to our minds but we must bring every thought captive unto the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5 – biblegateway.com - NKJV).

We cannot set expectations for others and expect them to comply with our wishes, when they have no idea of what our wishes are for them. Do it make any sense whatsoever to expect a person to call you, come see you, etc. when they have no clue you are expecting anything from them? NO, it does not!

See how the devil can play with our minds if we don’t take those negative thoughts captive? The enemy puts negative thoughts in our minds against people, to sow discord between us and them; these people can be natural or spiritual families, friends, or associates. I cannot reiterate this enough, WE MUST pull down EVERY negative thought the enemy brings to our mind about someone or something!  It is the accusing spirits working with the spirits of unforgiveness that brings these negative thoughts to a person against others; these spirits opens the door so the principality of bitterness can be setup in the person’s heart. If you would like to learn how accusing spirits operate and how to stop them, click here to go to a teaching I adapted from Dr. Art Mathias’ book,“Biblical Foundations of Freedom Destroying Satan’s Lies With God’s...titled, “Accusing Spirits” which is Chapter 3 in the book. Click here to go to the teaching on “Principality of Bitterness,” which is Chapter 5 in Dr. Mathias’ book.

The devil wants us to stay bogged down with unforgiveness and other junk so we cannot hear and obey God; if we cannot hear God speaking to us, we cannot obey what He is specifically telling us to do. If our hearts are full of unforgiveness, the devil knows God cannot forgive us, so he wants to make sure we do not get rid of unforgiveness; the accusing spirits work overtime making sure we do not forget what the person did to us or what we thought they did. Click here to go to the teaching on “Forgiveness,” which is Chapter 7 in Dr. Mathias book. I have adapted Dr. Mathias’ complete book into teachings, with his permission, if you want to study these teachings, go to my online school web site: http://recovery4abusedwoman.org/awmsoh-lectures.html.

Disappointments can cause us to become angry! Every time we get angry with someone because they did not do what WE expected them to do, we are setting expectations for them! LET US STOP!  We are ONLY hurting ourselves; we can also be damaging valuable relationships, as well as getting out of our place of peace. We should NOT expect a man or woman to do anything for us; look to God for ALL we need and God will send that right person to help, as when we really need it.

Not long ago, I used to get angry with people when I texted them and they did not respond immediately; I EXPECTED them to respond back to me immediately and when they did not, I got hurt which caused me to get angry. I did not take into consideration they could have been busy or in a crisis situation themselves. I now realize, it was selfish of me to expect the person to drop everything and text me back; it is selfish for us to expect people to do what we want, when we want, and not be concerned with what they have to do in their own lives.

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God bless you and keep you,

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks