Recovery For Abused Women

“Empowering the abused woman to recover with God's truth"

Listen, if you are in a one-sided relationship, PLEASE seek God for your way out!! A one-sided relationship is where you are doing all the giving, and the other person is doing all the taking!! PERIOD!!

This kind of relationship is not doing you any good mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, physiologically, and probably financially, if you are paying for everything!!

Ask God to help you!! God DID NOT call you to be a door mat for ANYONE!! If you are the only one giving and doing in the relationship, let that leech GO!! Come on, let us just call them what they are – the person wants to suck you dry of EVERYTHING!! Who does that?? NOBODY but the devil!! And the people who allow themselves to be used by the devil, are agents of the devil!! POINT BLANK!! The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came to give us ABUNDANT LIFE!! Abuse of ANY kind is NOT Jesus’ abundant life!!

Dr. Myles Munroe said something years ago, that has stuck with me: “If purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.” This means if a person does not know your purpose, abuse is unavoidable. Dr. Munroe's statement also means, if we do not know our own purpose, we will abuse ourselves and accept, whatever comes our way, just for the sake of love or friendship!!

We MUST know the person by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will let you know who is who, through the gift of discernment; you do not have to be afraid to get to know people. The Holy Spirit will reveal to you, who is real and who is trying to deceive you. If you ALLOW the gift of discernment to operate in your life, God will let you know if a person is for you or against you, who comes in your life; trust God when He tells you about a person – He knows his/her heart and does not want you to be deceived!

One of my ex-Pastors said, you cannot get to know someone through the flesh but by the Spirit of God. you must ask the Holy Spirit to reveal that person’s spirit before you begin a relationship with him/her. The Holy Spirit will reveal the reason he/she wants to come into your life. When we do not allow the Holy Spirit to reveal a person’s heart to us before we first go into the relationship, we are setting ourselves up for failure and deception.

Dr. Munroe also used to say (paraphrased), if you have someone in your life who is subtracting from you, taking away from you, and not adding to your life, move on!! Here are some other sayings by Dr. Munroe:

“Why do you want to waste time with someone who will break you and get you away from your purpose?”

“Healthy relationships should always begin at the spiritual and intellectual levels - the levels of purpose, motivation, interests, dreams, and personality.”

“We are a sum total of what we have learned from all who have taught us, both great and small.”

My commentary:

People are who they are and when they reveal their true selves to you (Holy Spirit opens your eyes), believe them!! People WILL NOT change unless THEY want to change!! NO MATTER WHAT you do to help them, or how much you show them you love them, they WILL NOT change until they get ready!!

Think about it, God sent Jesus to die for us while we were yet sinners. We heard about Jesus when we were in the world doing our own thing. Did we instantly accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior when we were witnessed to?  I know I did not! It took me years to accept Jesus and after I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior, I still backslidded humpteen many times before my mind was TOTALLY made up to REALLY accept Jesus - I did not change until I wanted to!!

God loves us and will NEVER give up on us, NO MATTER WHAT - God WILL pursue us, lovingly letting us know how much He loves us, and wants us to come to Him - to come home!! But God WILL NOT force us to come to Him; Jesus WILL NOT force us to accept Him; Holy Spirit WILL NOT force us to allow Him into our lives!! The choice is ours; we have FREE will!! Therefore, we CANNOT force people who does not love us to love us - they have free will!! And who wants to consciously force someone to love him/her?? NO ONE!! Yet we do it subconsciously - we do, we give, we do, we give…people who we want to make love us!! And they still do not love us!! There is no need for that; God loves us, and we need to accept God’s love for us, and stop looking to people to love us, and do for us (satisfy the longings in our soul/heart), what ONLY God can do!! Our hearts desires should lineup with God’s desires for us; with God’s purpose for us!!

People are incapable of making us whole; fixing our lives!! Plus, Jesus ALREADY did that - we are WHOLE, COMPLETE in Jesus!! But until we embrace God’s love for us, and understand His love, we will never know that we are already whole, complete in Christ Jesus!! Our Lord and Savior!!

Also, Jesus delivered us from the kingdom of darkness, into Father’s Kingdom of Light!! But WE MUST ACCEPT Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, to walk in what Jesus HAS DONE for us!! Jesus died for ALL mankind, but mankind has to accept Him as their own Lord and personal Savior, to receive the benefits of His death, burial, and resurrection!! Again, we have FREE WILL!!

It is time that we stop seeking relationships with people, who care nothing about us, and start seeking to KNOW and UNDERSTAND the love God HAS for us!! Let us stop wasting time seeking dead end relationships (relationships that are going anywhere), and ask the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of the Father’s love for us, as we dive into the Word of God, to get to know God our Father, God the Son (Jesus), God the Holy Spirit!! Also, do as Dr. Munroe said (paraphrased), ask God to remove the people from our lives who are NOT supposed to be there, and to bring the people into our lives, who are supposed to be there!!

I do not care what type of relationship you are going into (friendship, romantic, casual, business, etc.), ask Holy Spirit to show you who people are; reveal that person to you!! People will try to fool us but CANNOT fool the Holy Spirit!! We should ask God if the relationships we are in, is ordained by Him? We should seek God before going into ANY relationship!!

The devil will send people into your life to distract you from your God given purpose!! That is what the devil is after - the Word in your heart - the devil wants to steal, kill, and destroy you!! If the devil can cause you to doubt what God has said in His Word, he got you!! And remember, the devil will use ANYONE who allows him to!! Beware of people who try to force their way into your life, by saying they want to get to know you!! DISCERN!! DISCERN!! DISCERN!! Again, people will be able to fool you, but they CANNOT fool Holy Spirit!!

A very small part of my story ( I am not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me but to help you) – click here for my book, “Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman.”:

God delivered me from a one-sided marriage in October 2006 (we had actually gotten divorced in July 2006, but I ALLOWED him to stay in my life)!! Not only was it a one-sided relationship, but it was also an abusive relationship - the guy was VERY abusive – he tried to kill me on numerous occasions, but God would not allow him to!! The guy abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and financially - I was doing all the giving, and he was doing all the taking!!

You might ask, “Where was God?” Oh God was right there with me, comforting me, strengthening me, encouraging me, loving me, and helping me not to lose my mind!! God WARNED me REPEATEDLY BEFORE I married that guy - God even showed me who he was BEFORE I married him and spoke to me about him AFTER I married him, but I still married him, and still stayed after I married him!!

But God kept lovingly pursuing me for me to get out that marriage; God NEVER left me or got tired of pursuing me!! That marriage had turned me into something that I was not - again, the devil tried to kill me humpteen many times, through that guy, who was the devil’s servant!! Oh, I was not saved at the time either; I had backslidden, but God still loved me enough to pursue me – just as He does with everyone who has not accepted Jesus as their Lord and personal Savior – God lovingly pursues them to come home!!

Long story short:  one day, GOD HIMSELF delivered me from the bondage I was in with that guy; God delivered me from the guy!! God told me, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!” After that, the guy was gone from my life, and have never return - that was in October 2006!! God later told me that the devil sent that guy into my life, to totally destroy me!! Again, God would not allow the devil to kill me; although I was serving the devil, I belonged to God – I had given my life to Jesus previously!!

After God removed my ex-husband, another guy tried to come in my life and God instantly showed me, that guy had the same spirit as the ex-husband - and I stopped talking with him!! That is why I tell you, DISCERN, DISCERN, DISCERN!! Again, pray and ask Holy Spirit, to reveal the person to you! Do not just jump into a relationship with someone!! And once Holy Spirit show and tell you who a person REALLY is, BELIEVE Him!!

Through that last marriage, and other one-sided relationships, I have learned not to be so quick to get into a relationship with people!! I have found out the hard way, that people are not always who they say they are!! People will tell you anything to gain access to your life, for their own agenda!!

That last abusive husband, put me through PURE HELL!! I REFUSE to glorify the devil, by going into full details!! I glorify God ALONE!! That guy ridiculed, played all kinds of mind games on me, and did all kinds of vile things to me!! And I am telling you the truth, if it were not for God being right there with me, I would either have been dead, and in hell, in a mental institution, or in prison for murder - and the devil try to make all three happen BUT God WOULD NOT allow those things to happen to me!! I know what it is like to be talked down to, called names so many times, until you begin to think that is who you are; to be totally stripped of your self-esteem, and self-worth!! Therefore, I tell you, DO NOT ALLOW people to put you down, cause you to look at yourself negatively, feel like you are beneath them, yell at you, etc. That is NOT who you are in Christ; God made you fearfully and wonderfully!! YOU, YES YOU, ARE God’s beloved child!! God DOES NOT abuse you, and He DOES NOT want anybody else to abuse you!!

Again, you and your abuser have FREE WILL!! YOU choose to stay and be abuse (if God has told you to leave, and you are still there, you are choosing to stay), God is telling you to leave, and the abuser chooses to continue to abuse you!! SEEK GOD!!

Like I stayed, after God had been telling me to leave (as I said, God warned me even before I married, not to marry the guy) for over three years!! That was MY choice to stay!! But thank God, He took that guy COMPLETELY out of my life!!

I USED to cry, and would not really fight back, and allowed myself to be treated any kind of way, in the abusive marriages!! Yes, I said “marriages!!” God did not deliver me from only one abusive marriage, but SEVEN (7)!! I was looking for the love I never received from my earthly father, in ALL the wrong places, making me a target for the devil!!

NOW, I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE to talk to me in a condescending manner, yell at me, disrespect me, cause me to feel negative about myself, etc. - that is NOT going to happen!! NOT NOW, OR EVER!! NOW, if someone tries to do that, I WON’T be the one crying, they will!! Respect is a two-way street; you respect me, and I respect you!!

I have made some choices:

  1. NO one will EVER again abuse me in ANY way!!
  2. NO one will EVER use me in ANY way!!
  3. I will ONLY allow people who God has ordained to be in my life!! I will be led by God in choosing which relationships to go into!!
  4. I have asked God to remove people from my life, who He has not ordained to be in my life and bring the ones He has ordained to be in it!!
  5. I WILL NOT ALLOW people to steal my peace or joy or distract me from my God given purpose!!

Resources on relationships:

“God Wants Us in Healthy Relationships!!”

“Having Boundaries in Friendships!”

“Relationships: Knowing When to Let Go!”

“NO More Searching!!! Manuel of Deliverance, Healing, & Restora...

Click Here for PDF Version of "One-Sided Relationships!"

God’s Blessings to you all and your families!!

Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks

 

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