"Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group" Part 2, Guide 2A, 6-12-2023

[Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

"AW Book Discussion Group," Part 2, Guide 2A, 6-12-2023

Hello, I am glad you decided to continue with the “Journey of Freedom” Program! This journey is continuous – until Jesus comes back to take us home, we will be growing and making sure there is NOTHING holding us back from our COMPLETE BREAKTHROUGH!! As the Word tells us in Romans 12:1-2, we must not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing our mind so we can prove what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. The Word will transform our minds so that we can grow in God!! Praise God that you made it this far and for Him taking you all the way!!

Today, June 5, 2023, Minister Everett James and I will begin the next part of the “Journey of Freedom” Program, which is the “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group.” This is the last part of the “Journey of Freedom” Program and the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series.

Our previous programs were “Importance of Forgiveness,”  “Violence & Abuse,"

“Angry Management,”  and the “Emotional Healing” Series. Due to the sensitive nature of the “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group,” this part will not be live-streamed. However, each week’s teaching will be posted on our blog websites: www.abusedwoman.ning.com/ & Eastern Missouri Bible College.

In the “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group,” there are four lessons. The projected end date is June 26, 2023. Although there are only four sessions that we will be covering, there is much information to cover. Therefore, we might need an extra week to complete the “Book Group.” If that is the case, the last day of the class will be July 10.^th If not, the class will end on June 26, 2023.

 

To contact Minister James, email him at [e-mail] or visit his 

websites at Eastern Missouri Bible College or Upper Room Ministries, Inc. 

To contact me, my email is [e-mail], or go to my website,  www.abusedwoman.org/. 

“Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Book Group Discussion Complete Outline

 

I. Chapter review of specific sections

   A. June 5^th sections to be discussed:

          1. Preface

          2. Introduction

          3. Chapter 1

    B. June 12^th sections to be discussed:

          1. Chapter 2

          2. Chapter 3

    B. June 19^th section to be discussed:

         *“Loneliness”

    C. June 26^th sections to be discussed:

           1. Chapter 4

           2. Chapter 5

           3. Chapter 6

II. Questions & answer session after each meeting

III. Group comments after each meeting

IV. Feedback about the book at the end

Study Notes for “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group” Part 2, Guide 2A – 6-12-23:

“Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Book Group Discussion Study Guide

I. Chapter review of specific sessions

A. June 12, 2023, sessions to be discussed:

1. Chapter 2 – Kinds of Soul Ties:

*Precautions about soul ties:

-Soul ties control emotions and thoughts.

-You are still connected if:

   a. You have flashbacks when a specific song is played.

   b. You see others holding hands and you think of a previous lover.

-Ungodly person’s last name may be under a generational curse; once you marry them, you are connected to them. God told me that the LAST abuser I had, name was under a curse. I know Christ has redeemed us from ALL curses but I also know what God told me - the person I was married to was not born-again. 

*Two types of soul ties:

   a. Godly – having a soul tied to God’s will.

   b. Ungodly – having soul tied outside the will of God's will.

*There is hope – God can deliver you from every soul tie (soul tie prayer is at the end of the session on 6-26-2023).

*How to prevent ungodly soul ties from forming:

-Stay connected to God.

-Obey His will for your life.

*Is it lust or love?

  a. Lust attracts lust.

  b. “Lust” at first sight. 

*Three kinds of lust:

  a. Lusts of man (James 1:14; 4:2).

  b. Lusts of Satan (John 8:44).

  c. Lusts (desires) of God (Galatians 5:17).

*How ungodly soul ties are formed:

  a. Spirit of lust.

  b. Disobedience.

 

*Sex with and without attachment:

  a. Rachel and Jacob.

  b. Leah and Jacob.

 

*Overcoming the Attachment:

  a. Recognize you are attached (God will give you signs).

  b. Rise and give God praise.

  c. Seek God for direction.

  d. Forget about your past (Philippians 3:13‐14).

2. Chapter 3 – Effects of Soul Ties:

  a. The root cause of forming ungodly soul ties is lust.

  b. Some of the spirits that come from a lust spirit and forming ungodly soul ties are:

1. Jealousy (thought process is controlled); from this comes:

*Lying

*Unforgiveness

*Anger

*Bitterness

*Hurt

*Pain

*Murder (Cain & Abel)

*Rage

*Brokenhearted

*Resentful

2. Emotion, Mental, & Spiritual Bondage; from this comes:

*Depression

*Oppression

*Suppression

*Pain

*Soul hurt

*Sorrowful

*Regret

*Unhappy state

*Deep Distress

*Sadness

3. Co‐Dependency – co‐dependents form or maintain relationships that are one‐sided, emotionally destructive, and abusive. It is a learned behavior that is formed by watching and imitating other family members (www.nmha.org). A co‐dependent person tries to take care of the other person who is having problems but they become compulsive and defeating in their efforts. Co‐dependents like to be “needed.” They see themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in love and friendship relationships (www.nmha.org).

 

Characteristics of a co‐dependent:

*Have a tendency to confuse love and pity with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue.

*Have a tendency to do more than their share all the time.

*They become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts.

*Have an unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co‐dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment.

*Have an extreme need for approval and recognition.

*Have a fear of being abandoned or alone.

*Have a lack of trust in self and or/others.

*Have difficulty identifying feelings.

*Have chronic anger.

*Have problems with intimacy/boundaries.

 

Fruits of a co‐dependent relationship:

*Helpless

*Excessive caregiving

*Physical illness because of stress

*Distrust

*Depression because you can’t “fix” people’s problems

*Attachment

*Insecurity

*Accepts abuse

*Accept a lie

*Pain

*Manipulation

*Control

*Persuasion

*Loss of self‐respect

4. Confusion (don’t know who you are; take on previous partners and their partner’s identity and vice versa.)

  a. Double‐minded

  b. Unstable

  c. Fragmented (parts of your identity have been transferred to other partners.)

5. Contemptible (the “love” you had for the person has changed; you loathe them now because they hurt you)

  a. Love/hate feeling

  b. Hatred

  c. Bitterness

  d. Hurt

  d. Low self‐esteem

 

6. Rejection (you keep trying to give your love to that person but they refuse to accept it) (separate study guide). He will not allow himself to love you because he doesn’t want to be attached to you, he wants to keep you attached to him so he can control you.

7. Lack of commitment (you are not committed to God but to the man).

These are a lot of spirits to deal with; you start with one spirit and that one spirit keeps on producing more ungodly fruit in your life which is more spirits. Ask God to set you free from a lust spirit because that is how you form ungodly soul ties. Then you will not be able to fall for or attract other people who have a lustful spirit. The bottom line is, if you desire a husband, pray, and ask God to send you the one who you are compatible with.

 

I can say from my experiences, please do not go looking for a husband, wait on God to send him to you; He knows when to send him. You need to be completely healed and delivered before your husband comes. The man cannot make you complete; only God can.

 

Two scriptures that can help you not be anxious and remind you to trust in the Lord are Philippians 4:6‐7 and Proverbs 3:5‐6. Philippians 4:6‐7 NKJV tells us:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

 

Proverbs 3:5‐6 KJV says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

 

We must get our priorities in order. Only when we acknowledge God in all our ways, we will not make mistakes. He knows what we need and when we need it. Our time is not God’s time (Isaiah 60:22)  so, wait on Him for your husband.

 

In the meantime, while we are waiting, remember, our bodies are not our own because we belong to God. Romans 12:1‐2 let us know that we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is our reasonable service. Also, 1 Corinthians 6:13‐20 let us know that our body is not for sexual immorality but it’s for the Lord.

 

The chapter goes on to let us know that if we join our body to a harlot, we will become one flesh with the harlot. And the only time two shall become one flesh is in marriage. When we commit sexual sin, not only are you forming ungodly soul ties but you are sinning against God’s body. He paid for us with the life of His Son.

 

***Recap from Part I – Preface, Introduction, & Chapter 1:***

A soul tie is the knitting together of two souls. A godly soul-tie relationship can bring tremendous blessings (David & Jonathan, 1 Samuel 18:1‐4) and an ungodly soul-tie relationship can bring destruction when made with the wrong person (David & Saul, 1 Samuel 18:8‐11). There are sometimes deadly consequences when you do not wait on God.

 

Not only will not waiting on God cause deadly consequences, But not dealing with childhood issues can cause deadly consequences. Childhood issues will cause you to connect yourself with the wrong people because you are trying to get from people what you did not get from your parents. If your parents did not nurture, cuddle, love, or validate you as a child, you will most likely grow up with a need for love and affection; as I did.

 

II. Question & Answer Session

III. Your Comments

 

Click Here for the PDF Version of “AW Book Group Part 2, Guide 2A 6...

Click Here for the PDF Version of “You Are Not Alone,” Participant ...

Homework: Read “You Are Not Alone,” in Participant Guide, Part 2B, for 6-19-2023.

 

Click Here for the Link to “AW Book Group Part 1, Guide 1, 6-5-2023.”

 

Copy of my book, “Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

 

Next Session: “AW Book Group Part 2, Guide 2B, 6-19-2023.”

 

God’s BLESSINGS to you all, as you go through YOUR process, of discovering who you REALLY are in Christ!! And once you KNOW this, NO trauma, of ANY KIND, can hold you back, from pursuing God in the way Jesus died for you to – so you could have an ULTIMATE relationship with God your Father, and Creator!! DON’T ALLOW ANYTHING, TO STOP YOU FROM HAVING A ONE-ON-ONE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!! Jesus gave HIS life, so YOU could have a relationship with the Father!!

 

In Christ,

Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD