"Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group" Part 2, Guide 2B, 6-19-2023

[Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

“You Are Not Alone,” Participant Guide, Part 2B, for 6-19-2023

Hello, I am glad you decided to continue with the “Journey of Freedom” Program! This journey is continuous – until Jesus comes back to take us home, we will be growing and making sure there is NOTHING holding us back from our COMPLETE BREAKTHROUGH!! As the Word tells us in Romans 12:1-2, we must not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing our mind so we can prove what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. The Word will transform our minds so that we can grow in God!! Praise God that you made it this far and for Him taking you all the way!!

Today, June 5, 2023, Minister Everett James and I will begin the next part of the “Journey of Freedom” Program, which is the “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group.” This is the last part of the “Journey of Freedom” Program and the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series.

Our previous programs were “Importance of Forgiveness,”  “Violence & Abuse,"

“Angry Management,”  and the “Emotional Healing” Series. Due to the sensitive nature of the “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group,” this part will not be live-streamed. However, each week’s teaching will be posted on our blog websites: www.abusedwoman.ning.com/ & Eastern Missouri Bible College.

In the “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group,” there are four lessons. The projected end date is June 26, 2023. Although there are only four sessions that we will be covering, there is much information to cover. Therefore, we might need an extra week to complete the “Book Group.” If that is the case, the last day of the class will be July 10.^th If not, the class will end on June 26, 2023.

To contact Minister James, email him at [e-mail] or visit his websites at Eastern Missouri Bible College or Upper Room Ministries, Inc. To contact me, my email is [e-mail], or go to my website,  www.abusedwoman.org/. 

“Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Book Group Discussion Complete Outline

 

I. Chapter review of specific sections

   A. June 5^th sections to be discussed:

          1. Preface

          2. Introduction

          3. Chapter 1

    B. June 12^th sections to be discussed:

          1. Chapter 2

          2. Chapter 3

    B. June 19^th section to be discussed:

         *“Loneliness”

    C. June 26^th sections to be discussed:

           1. Chapter 4

           2. Chapter 5

           3. Chapter 6

II. Questions & answer session after each meeting

III. Group comments after each meeting

IV. Feedback about the book at the end

Study Notes for “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group” Part 2, Guide 2B – 6-19-23:

“Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Book Group Discussion Study Guide

Loneliness

I. Introduction

Today, I want to talk about loneliness. There are so many people “looking for love in all the wrong places.” People join gangs, fraternities, sororities, and organizations such as the Eastern Stars, and Masons to be loved and have a family. If you check these people’s backgrounds, they had some type of childhood problems. Either they came from a one-parent family, so they did not have the mother and father’s love and affection, were abused, neglected, or some other chaotic event happened to them as a child. Now, they are seeking the love and affection that they did not receive as a child. Research has proven that childhood trauma affects adulthood if the issues are not dealt with.

I am a living testimony that childhood trauma does affect adulthood. Here is how my traumatic childhood affected my adulthood:

*I was raised by my great-grandmother from 2 yrs. old till I was 17 because my mother was declared unfit by the court. I say this not to demean my mother in any way; she was sick, and she did not know what she was doing. So, growing up, I did not have a relationship with her or my father; he was off in the Military. I was brutally raped at the age of 16 by my friend’s brother, while she stood by and did nothing; I was a virgin.

*Moved to Ft. Lauderdale with my father at the age of 17, after not seeing him for 14 yrs.; that did not work. Became very promiscuous because of the rape, which led to seven abusive marriages. After passing out and almost dying from consuming too much alcohol, I was an alcoholic, in April 2004, I rededicated my life to God.

*Got divorced in July 2006 from the last abusive guy, and ever since then, God has been purging out the old and pouring in the new into me. It wasn’t easy; thought I would die without this guy. But that was a lie from the devil to keep me in that abusive relationship.

*Today, God has delivered me from the effects & bondage of the abuse I suffered; have Bachelor, Master, and Doctorate degrees in Psychology; have many organizations to help abused women recover from abuse,  several nonprofits to help the homeless, and others who need help – one is named after my Great Grandmother who raised me, “The Lula McGrady Foundation, Inc.;” And I have a recovery support group for abused women, to teach them how to recover from abuse. I am not telling you this in a boastful manner, but I am telling you this for you to see the healing, delivering, and restoring power of God and to know He has no respect of persons; He will do whatever you need to be done in your life if you just give Him a chance to do it. I know God as a Healer, Deliverer, Restorer, and much more THROUGH JESUS, in my life and I give Him all the glory. So, I am a firm believer that how you are raised, and your life as a child will affect your adulthood. Although I mainly help women and their children, I also will help a man who has been abused with the resources I have or try to find him resources from other Agencies.

I was a very lonely person; as far back as I can remember I was lonely; whether I was around a crowd of people or alone. I would feel like I had to be around people. I felt empty inside, a void I could not understand. Dr. Myles Munroe said something a while ago that has stuck with me. He said, “If purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable,” so if you do not know the purpose of something or someone, you will it.

I abused myself, I didn’t know my purpose, by trying to fill that void with things, sex, people, alcohol, clothes, jewelry, designer purses, relationships that were abusive, and whatever else I thought would cause me not to feel alone. Now, I know my purpose, and know God is the only One who can satisfy me and fill every void in my life. And today, He wants to fill every void area in your life, he wants to heal your broken heart and satisfy you, so you won’t feel alone.

II. What Is Loneliness?

A. The general definition of loneliness: “it is an aching void in the center of our beings, a deep longing to love and be loved, to be fully known and accepted by at least one other It is a hollow, haunting sound sweeping thru our depths, chilling our bones and causing us to shiver” (“Interpersonal Loneliness & Spiritual Loneliness” - James Park).

B. There are two types of loneliness and each one has its own definition: Interpersonal ‐ this type of loneliness can come from rejection or the loss of This type of loneliness can also be the general feeling of being alone, isolated, or separated from others; including family. Loneliness’ general definition mostly refers to interpersonal loneliness.

Loneliness of Spirit ‐ loneliness of spirit, however, is even deeper and more pervasive than interpersonal loneliness. It often disguises itself as longing for a specific person or pretends to be yearning for contact with anyone, but this deeper lack or emptiness of being is not the same as interpersonal loneliness. Being together with other people, even people we intensely love does not overcome this deep incompleteness of being. This inner default of selfhood (of who you are as a person) has never been solved by relationships, no matter how good, close, and warm our relationships might be.

Who you are, your uniqueness, and your true identity, will never be solved by another person; God did not intend it to be. Only He can tell you who you are. The real validation comes from God. That is why it is so important for you to know who you are in God. Otherwise, you will spend all your days here on earth looking for man or things to say who you are. A big house nice car, a six-figure income, or your environment does not determine who you are; only God does.

Loneliness of spirit is a void within us, a hollowness that cannot be filled with other people – no matter how close, warm, and fulfilling our relationships might be. The yearning we feel is real; it comes from the depths of ourselves. Even the most ideal, loving relationship will not fill this aching void.

I know this is true because I have experienced this type of loneliness before. For a time, love will cover your inner emptiness, but after the initial period of emotional excitement is over, your fundamental hollowness will make itself felt again. Then we might blame each other for our alienation. We might even respond to the reappearance of loneliness by changing partners. Thinking of a new person to love, we can become lost in romance once again, forgetting momentarily our inner incompleteness of being. But love is not the answer to this yearning; God is.

The cause of loneliness of spirit is not having an intimate, personal relationship with God and not knowing who you really are in Him; not knowing your “real” self. Did you know you have a “real” self (the person whom God created you to be) and the self your environment created you to be? Once we know who we are in God, we will accept the false image that the environment has created in our minds as to who we are.

III. The Solution  for Interpersonal  Loneliness

We overcome interpersonal loneliness by acknowledging God’s presence in our lives. Since fear is associated with being alone, whether fear of failure or fear of being overcome by the devil, once we acknowledge the presence of God, who is the Almighty Creator, being with us, there is no reason to have that fear. Because God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

We might want to talk with someone about our problems or fellowship with someone. That’s all right in its own rites, but don’t replace the presence of God with people. In order words, don’t go to people for what only God can give you.

Yes, God wants us to have relationships, because He said in Genesis 2:18, that it is not good for man to be alone, but He does not want us to seek people when we should be seeking Him.

We must get and keep our priorities straight; put God before man and anything else. Because we cannot do anything without Him, and if He is not the center of everything we do, it and we will fail.

IV. The Solution for Loneliness of  Spirit

Loneliness of spirit can only be satisfied by God. We were created for His glory. We were created to have fellowship and a relationship with God; He wants to live in us. That loneliness of spirit void inside of you can only be filled by God. We are made up of three parts: body, soul, & spirit. That place inside of you (spirit), was designed by God so He can live there. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, God recreates our spirit (2 Corinthians 5:17).

The nature of God moves inside of our spirit. So, to cure loneliness of spirit we must:

1. Accept Jesus as our personal Savior so God can recreate our spirits into the real us (2 Corinthians 5:17).
2. Present our bodies as a living sacrifice to God (Romans 12:1).
3. Renew our minds daily in the Word of God so the old mind will be transformed (Romans 12:2).
4. Seek those things above, where Christ is sitting at the right hand of the Father (Colossians 3:1).
5. Set your affections on things above, not on things of the earth (Colossians 3:2).
6. Trust in the Lord and put not your confidence in man (Psalms 118:8).

God wants us to really know Him and know who He created us to be. We live beneath our privileges because we do know who we are in Him. Jesus died so we could have abundant life; not mediocre life.

V. Scriptures to guard against  loneliness

Lastly, I want to leave these scriptures with you to help you guard against loneliness:

Isaiah 41:10

Isaiah 54:10

Matthew 28:20

John 14:1

Romans 8: 3 5‐3 9 

Hebrews 13:5

1 Peter 5:7

Click Here for the PDF Version of “You Are Not Alone,” Participant ...

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Homework: Read Chapters 4, 5, & 6 in "AW Book Group Part 3, Guide 3, for 6-26-2023."

Click Here for the Link to “AW Book Group Part 1, Guide 1, 6-5-2023.”

Click Here for the Link to “AW Book Group Part 2, Guide 2A, 6-12-20...

Copy of my book, “Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Next Session: “AW Book Group Part 3, Guide 3, 6-26-2023. This will be the last part of the “Journey of Freedom” Program and the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series.

God’s BLESSINGS to you all, as you go through YOUR process, of discovering who you REALLY are in Christ!! And once you KNOW this, NO trauma, of ANY KIND, can hold you back, from pursuing God in the way Jesus died for you to – so you could have an ULTIMATE relationship with God your Father, and Creator!! DON’T ALLOW ANYTHING, TO STOP YOU FROM HAVING A ONE-ON-ONE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!! Jesus gave HIS life, so YOU could have a relationship with the Father!!

In Christ,

Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD