"Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group" Part 3, Guide 3, 6-26-2023

[Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

"AW Book Discussion Group," Part 3, Guide 2, 6-26-2023

Hello, this is the last session for the “Book Discussion Group,” “Journey of Freedom” Program, and the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series. Thank you all for joining us for the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series. I pray the series has been a BLESSING to you. Although the series has ended, your journey continues because it is a continuous one – until Jesus comes back to take us home, we will be growing in the things of Him! As the Word tells us in Romans 12:1-2, we must not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing our mind so we can prove what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. The Word will transform our minds so that we can grow in God!! Praise God that you made it this far and for Him taking you all the way!!

Here are the links to our previous programs – including the “Book Discussion Group:” “Importance of Forgiveness,”  "Violence & Abuse," “Angry Management,”  “Emotional Healing Series,” and “Book Discussion Group.” You can always go back through each one of these programs for a refresher.

To contact Minister James, email him at [e-mail] or visit his websites at Eastern Missouri Bible College or Upper Room Ministries, Inc. To contact me, my email is [e-mail], or go to my website,  www.abusedwoman.org/ God’s BLESSINGS to you on your journey to wholeness! And we pray that God gives you the strength you need for your journey!

“Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Book Group Discussion Complete Outline

 

I. Chapter review of specific sections

   A. June 5^th sections to be discussed:

          1. Preface

          2. Introduction

          3. Chapter 1

    B. June 12^th sections to be discussed:

          1. Chapter 2

          2. Chapter 3

    B. June 19^th section to be discussed:

         *“Loneliness”

    C. June 26^th sections to be discussed:

           1. Chapter 4

           2. Chapter 5

           3. Chapter 6

II. Questions & answer session after each meeting

III. Group comments after each meeting

IV. Feedback about the book at the end

Study Notes for “Unholy Matrimony Book Discussion Group” Part 3, Guide 3 – 6-26-23:

“Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

Book Group Discussion Study Guide

 

I. Chapter review of specific sessions

C. June 26, 2023, sessions to be discussed:

1. Chapter 4 – Don’t Get Caught In The Trap

a. Why women get caught up in bad relationships:

1. Lust spirits attract each other.

2. All other spirits attract each other.

a. Outcome:

1. Women get into the same type of relationships.

2. Familiar spirits disguise themselves.

b. End result:

1. Relationship is not different.

2. Only the partner is different.

b. Spirit of lust will cause:

1. Person to be attracted to another person.

2. Formation of ungodly soul ties once fornication is committed.

3. Person to be sucked into the person’s trap of attachment. 

c. Attachment process of the abuser (Perpetrator):

1. Suck you in by telling you everything you want to hear.

2. Move in with you and have sex with you every night.

3. Once you get used to him being there, you come home and he is gone.

4. You miss him so till you try to find him, when you do, you gladly take him back.

This is what happens each time you take him back:

a. You are getting deeper and deeper

b. The unholy soul tie is getting

c. The spirit of manipulation plays on your

d. The spirit of persuasion convinces you to stay in the

5. He continues to come and go every three weeks; attachment getting stronger and stronger.

d. The marriage:

The person will know you are so in love with him that you will do anything to stay with him. So, he asks you to marry him. Once you are married, he takes everything from you to destroy you; spiritually and materially. The unholy soul tie root will get so deep, till it will be impossible to break if you don’t accept God in your life.

Once you agree to marry the man whom God did not send, you have disobeyed Him because you did not take heed to His Word. You allowed your own will to supersede the will of God, which is idolatry. God said thou should have no other gods before Him (Exodus 20:3). You have made that man your god by trying to hold onto something that is not yours.

e. “Love at first sight:

I thought it was “love” at first sight but it was lust. The lust spirit in me and the one in him were attracted to each other. Lust is what caused me to form the unholy soul tie. I gave up friends, family, and anything/one else that would take me from him (he did not want me contacting anyone).

I knew I was not supposed to marry husband number seven, I had a “gut” feeling, but I could not help it. That is how strong my soul was tied to him. I had given him all of myself instead of pleasing God. I knew deep inside this marriage was not the will of God. I was more interested in pleasing the flesh instead of pleasing God.

f. God will show you signs:

Before I got married, God showed me all kinds of signs but I ignored them. Even during the marriage, God kept giving me signs to get out but I stayed because I thought I could change him and I did not want to give up the sex. I have come to the realization that I can’t change anyone, especially if they do not want to change; and number seven did not want to change. He perpetrated a lie until God said, “Enough is enough.” We can’t even change ourselves so, what makes us think we can change a grown person? God is the only One who can change a person. So, if you are thinking you can change the person, stop wasting your time because you cannot change them; they will end up changing you for the worse.

g. The grace of God:

It was by the grace of God that I made it out of that abusive marriage alive. I can testify that it does not matter how deeply you are involved or how strong the soul tie is, God is a Deliver. He can and will deliver you and restore you if you listen to His voice.

That “gut” feeling was the Holy Spirit trying to warn me of the impending dangers I would encounter if I married husband number seven – it was the same feeling I felt after I married him. That man ended up taking me on a roller coastal ride through hell for over 3½ years. He showed me no affection, no respect, nor did anything that would show me he loved me.

By the time husband, number seven finished with me, I had been in a shelter for abused women living out of plastic garbage bags, had my money and property stolen by him, my new car reposed, and abused in every way possible. So, if you have a “gut” feeling that something is wrong, listen to the Holy Spirit. Seek God with all your heart for direction as to what you are to do about your situation.

h. Husband number seven compared to Pharaoh:

Pharaoh did not want the children of  Israel to go because they were benefiting him. Number seven did not want to let me go either because he was benefiting from me. He promised to change when it was convenient for him, and it seems as if he had changed at times but it was all a lie. Those spirits were still hiding inside of him. I almost got weak and believed the lie but God revealed to me who he really was.

That is why it is imperative that you seek God and follow His directions because the enemy will try every tactic, he can to keep you in bondage but stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord.

Just as God told Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:15 (NKJV), “…do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” The battle is not yours but the battle belongs to the Lord. He will fight every battle for you; as long as you submit yourself to Him.

This is a time when God wants you to trust Him more than ever before. During this time, God wants to deliver and refresh you so a relationship can be established between you and Him. God wants you to seek Him and He will supply everything you need (Philippians 4:19).

 

i. The warning:

God is sending you a warning today, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). We are to seek God first and wait on Him. I cannot stress waiting on God enough. We do not need to get involved with anyone whom we have not consulted God about. It does not matter whether the relationship is with a man or a friendship with a woman. God is concerned about all our relationships and does not want us to be used and manipulated by anyone. Men weren’t the only ones who hurt me, women calling themselves my friends hurt and used me too. Now my prayer to God is: “God move everyone out of my life that does not belong there, and send the people in my life who does belong.”

Proverbs 3:6 says in all our ways we are to acknowledge God and He shall direct our path. If we marry without acknowledging God, we are not only operating in the spirits of rebellion and stubbornness but we are also opening ourselves up to form the unholy soul tie which leads to an unholy matrimony.

2. Chapter 5 - Ask God for Wisdom:

a. If we do not pray for godly wisdom, we will spend the rest of our lives going around in circles with

b. When God reveal to you what soul tie(s) you need to be delivered from:

1. Repent.

2. Give your life totally to Him.

c. Results will be:

1. Soul tie curses will be broken off your life.

2. Saved from the wages of sin, which is death (Romans 6:23).

3. Have the gift of life once accept Christ as your Lord and Savior.

d. Sex was meant for husband and wife only:

God meant sex to be between a husband and wife (Ephesians 5:30-31) but sex has become one of the hottest commodes in America. Everywhere you look, somebody is promoting sex. Women disrespect their bodies by posing nude and prostituting. People think it is ok to have premarital sex but it’s not; that’s fornication. These things just fuel the lust spirit and keep it alive to form soul ties. A part of your soul is transferred to the person you have sex with and a part of their soul is transferred to you when you have sex with a person.

The devil uses transferring of souls as a tactic to keep us from knowing who we are in Christ. He does not want us to find out who we really are and if we do not know who we are, how are we ever going to walk in the authority that Jesus has given us? That is the enemy’s purpose for forming soul ties, to keep us from knowing who we are in Christ so we will not walk in our authority. We are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26) and God gave Adam dominion over the earth but Satan used Eve to deceive him and caused man to lose his authority over the earth. But God sent His Son Jesus (the second Adam, 1 Corinthians 15:45) to redeem mankind back to Him.

Jesus said in Matthew 28:18, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth” so since Jesus has authority in heaven and on earth, we have that same authority. That’s why Jesus said in Matthew 18:18, “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Verses 19-20 of that same chapter lets us know that we have authority in heaven and earth and how powerful two people can be if they join themselves together in agreement. It reads, “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”

Jesus reinforced the fact that we have authority in Luke 10:19 when He said, “Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” To keep us humble, Jesus went on to say in verse 20, “Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice because your names are written in heaven.” So, you see, we have authority NOW over all the power of the enemy. Don’t be deceived by the enemy anymore.

3. Chapter 6 – God Is All We Need:

We don’t need people or things in our lives to make us complete; the only person who can make us complete is God. Jesus died to restore us back to the Father. We were like the children of Israel, wandering in the wilderness, trying to find our way. We tried everything we could (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) to fill that empty place in our hearts but none of them satisfied us because our soul was created by God (Genesis 2:7). God is the only One who can satisfy our soul. That is why we should only tie our souls to God. Let us get glued, weaved together with, and cling to God. We need to let God impart Himself into us to change us for good instead of allowing the devil to use people to transfer ungodly things into us.

Jesus said in Matthew 22:37 to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, soul, and mind. We need to ask the Holy Spirit and mean it, to take full control of our lives; not be controlled by unholy soul ties. It is not easy to get from under the control of soul ties and other things you are bound up with.

 

My Purification Process:

*April 2005 – decided to rededicate my life to God. I was tired of the abuse that I was going through. My ex-Pastor, Charlie Mae Carpenter, in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, prayed for me and God begin to open my eyes and I saw number seven for what he really was. The more God revealed him to me, the greater the conflict between us came.

*July 2005 – God told me to totally surrender myself to Him and I thought I did but I didn’t. The soul tie was still strong between us, but I felt God working in different areas of my life. It was only after I rededicated myself to God, He began the process to make me whole.

*September 2005 – went to Pastor Carpenter’s church for an “Inner Healing Conference” and God continues His work of deliverance on me.

*November 2005 – in search of more of God, I went to Citadel of Hope. God used their Prophetic Team to break more strongholds off my life. The freer I became, the stronger I became.

*December 2005 – moved to Florida to get in place for God to finish the purification process.

*February 2006 - the abuse got so bad from number seven that I had to move out. That was a big step for me because I thought I couldn’t live without him. One day after moving, I was on the verge of losing my mind because he was still contacting me and abusing me over the phone. So, I called Elder Sue Graham to pray for me and she called Minister Joy Richardson. Elder Graham and Minister Richardson prayed for me and rebuked the enemy from off of me. If they would not have prayed for me, I would in the mental institution today. The enemy had told me he was going to send me to Life Stream (mental health facility) that day. I thank God for using them to deliver me. That’s why it is important that once God has gotten you out of the relationship, to stay out and have no contact.

That is why my deliverance was hindered because I stayed in contact with him even after God brought me out. I was trying to change him, remember? And I was being destroyed in the process. But I did not realize it at the time. Some of the soul ties, which had been formed, were still there. It was not easy because the enemy did not want me to come out of bondage. But the more I committed myself to God, the stronger I got in the Spirit. God begin to do quantum leaps in the Spirit realm that would launch me further along through my purification process.

*July 2006 – Finally got divorced from number seven.

*September 2006 – God continued to break the soul ties between husband number seven and me by moving him completely out of my life.

*November 2006 – this is when my greatest deliverance came. God delivered me from the unforgiveness, hurt, anger, and pain of the abuse. The first phase of the deliverance happened during a Prophetic Ministry meeting on a Monday night at Citadel of Hope.

The second phase came during a visit to my niece’s church, Household of Faith in Americus, GA where Apostle Marcia Carter is the Pastor, and to Prayer, Preach, Praise and Deliverance Church in Americus, GA where Vernell Carter, my cousin, is the Pastor.

The final phase came when I went to a woman’s conference in Orlando, FL at Ultimate Life church’s annual Women’s Conference where Dr. Dave & Christine Martin are the Pastors. After this conference, God told me I would never be the same and I am not. He told me to heal His women. Today, the soul ties between husband number seven and I are completely broken; praise the Lord.

Forgetting things behind:

At the beginning of the process, I had to stay before God in prayer, I cried (a lot of that), ask my friends to pray for me and with me, went to counseling, and got focused on Him. Today, I am still plowing through as Bishop William says. I am getting stronger every day though, with the help of God. At first, I was afraid to leave the relationship with husband number seven, but now, I am learning how to put my trust totally in God not in man and He is supplying everything I need as He said he would in Philippians 4:6. Paul’s words in Philippians 3:13-14 are my sentiments exactly: “Brethren I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting these things which are behind, and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Consequences of disobeying God:

*I ask you, to think about the consequences of disobeying God the next time you decide to sleep with someone outside of marriage or the next time you say “I do” to someone God did not ordain to be your mate. I know God delivers people at different speeds but I am still paying the cost for the decision that I made in April 2003. Yes, the man was out of my life, but there were residual effects of the relationship that still haunted me. And not only residual effects from him but also the effects were in me from the other men I married and my childhood.

*I had to go to God and repent and ask Him to detach me from every person I had been in an unholy relationship with. I said the soul tie prayer, which is in Chapter 7, for every man I married until I knew God had detached me from him. God has the power to wipe everything I went through out of my mind instantly but what lesson would I learn? What testimony would I have? It would be like a parent taking up for his child when he does wrong. As stated before, there are consequences to sin and we must pay. Romans 6:23 lets us know the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ. We might not suffer a natural death, but we will suffer a spiritual death. To me, that is worse than a natural death. It is a miserable feeling to be spiritually dead.

God will not have you ignorant:

*God will not have us ignorant (2 Corinthians 2:11). James 1:5-6 tells us, if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask God in faith. God will let you know what soul ties that have been formed in your life and deliver you. Just ask Him in faith, seek His face, commit your ways unto Him, and totally surrender every area of your life to God and you will be set free. Don’t allow anything or anyone to keep you from pursuing your destiny in God. Romans 8:28-29 lets us know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Just as God took what the devil meant for evil in my life and turned it around for my good, He can do the same for you. This is because we are predestined to be conformed to the image of Jesus. Knowing this, when the storm comes and it’s going to come (John 16:33), remember, it’s only the devil trying to keep you from finding out who you are in Christ. If you don’t know who you are in Christ, you will not know your purpose. Take authority over him in the Name of Jesus and go forth to fulfill your destiny.

I was like the woman at the well:

*I was like the woman at the well in John 4:18, looking for something to satisfy my thirst (NKJV). Jesus told her she has had five husbands and the one whom she now had was not hers. She too was looking for something to satisfy her thirst. Jesus is telling us what He told her, “But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life” (verse 14).

*Jesus is the only One who can fill that emptiness inside of us. No one or any other thing can make us complete. I found that out the hard way. God spoke to me over two years ago and told me husband number seven could not give me what I needed. Only He could give me what I needed. And God could not do it until I completely surrendered my life to Him. Why not surrender your life to God today, and allow Him to make you complete? God loves you just as He loves me and He will bring you out too.

Accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior:

If you do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and would like to accept Him now, please pray this prayer:

“Dear Jesus, 1 John 1:9 says if I confess my sins, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and You would cleanse me from all unrighteousness. I confess my sins before You this day, asking You to forgive me and come into my life. You also said Jesus, in John 14:26 that the Holy Spirit is our Comforter who will teach us all things, so I invite the Holy Spirit in and teach me the things of the Father. I thank you Father for washing me in the precious blood of Jesus and giving me the gift of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Prayer against soul ties:

Here is a prayer that I got from the website, b4prayer.org, (no longer on site) to pray against soul ties. Please pray this prayer, so God can deliver you from any and all soul ties from past relationships. You might say, “I am not feeling any effects from my past relationships” but the effects are there, whether you feel them or not. Believe God for complete deliverance in every area of your life. Believe that He is putting your fragmented pieces back together as you read this prayer. God Bless You.

"Father God, in Jesus' name, I humbly ask you to forgive me and cleanse me of the sin of fornication. I acknowledge it as a sin and ask you to help me forsake it completely. I thank you for your forgiveness, in Jesus' name. "Lord God, I come before your throne of grace boldly and covered in the shed blood of your Son. In Jesus' mighty name, I ask you to cut any and all ungodly soul ties between myself and anyone else [say NAME or NAMES if appropriate and remembered] created by sexual acts or any other relationship, known or unknown, remembered or forgotten. Father, take the Sword of the Holy Spirit and separate my human spirit from the human spirits of anyone with whom I have ungodly sexual contact. In Jesus' name, I ask You to cleanse those ties by the blood of Jesus of any possible access through which satan can trouble my family or me. By the authority of the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I break the power of any and all covenants, contracts, dedications, or commissions made over me [or my children, if any]. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord, I now command any and all demons, which may have come into me by ungodly soul ties or any other sin to leave me at once, never to return. I bind you all together as one, and I weaken you with the Blood of Calvary. I command you to go where the Lord Jesus Christ tells you to go by the voice of the Holy Spirit.”

 

"Abba Father, in Jesus' mighty name, I ask you to shut any doorways of demonic access opened into my life by ungodly soul ties or any other sort of sexual sin, and I ask you to seal those doorways forever with the Blood of the Lamb, shed on the cross of Calvary. I thank you for doing this, in Jesus' name, Amen."

Click Here for the PDF Version of “AW Book Group Part 3, Guide 3, 6...

Click Here for the Link to “AW Book Group Part 1, Guide 1, 6-5-2023.”

Click Here for the Link to “AW Book Group Part 2, Guide 2A, 6-12-2023.”

Click Here for the Link to “AW Book Group Part 2, Guide 2B, 6-19-20...

Copy of my book, “Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”

NOTE: This is the last part of the “Journey of Freedom” Program and the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series. Go to www.abusedwoman.ning.com or https://embcollege.com/ to see all sessions of the “Domestic Violence Seminar” Series (see individual program links below).

Again, here are the previous programs:

Click here for the Link to the “Importance of Forgiveness” Program.

Click here for the Link to the  “Violence & Abuse" Program.

Click here for the Link to the  “Angry Management”  Program.

Click here for the Link to the “Emotional Healing” Series" Program.

 

God’s BLESSINGS to you all, as you go through YOUR process, of discovering who you REALLY are in Christ!! And once you KNOW this, NO trauma, of ANY KIND, can hold you back, from pursuing God in the way Jesus died for you to – so you could have an ULTIMATE relationship with God your Father, and Creator!! DON’T ALLOW ANYTHING, TO STOP YOU FROM HAVING A ONE-ON-ONE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!! Jesus gave HIS life, so YOU could have a relationship with the Father!!

In Christ,

Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD